


MISSION WARCRAFT

by MichaelTfromCanada



Series: South Park/The South Six [5]
Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, Fan Retelling, Friendship, Gen, Heroes, Multi, Remake, Retelling, Teamwork, Weight Gain, World of Warcraft - Freeform, fan remake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24449869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaelTfromCanada/pseuds/MichaelTfromCanada
Summary: There's trouble in the online gaming world when a mad gamer and his minions won't play by the rules. The six friends dedicate their lives to defeating the renegades and saving the World of Warcraft with the help of an expert.
Relationships: Eric Cartman/Heidi Turner, Kenny McCormick/Theresa, Kyle Broflovski/Isla, Stan Marsh/Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Series: South Park/The South Six [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1399639
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. A Ordinary Game

**Author's Note:**

> On the 22nd of October 2018, I completed my first collaboration fanfic with a friend on DeviantArt for the retelling of the Make Love, Not Warcraft episode on South Park as a fanfic, however, the story is the same except with new differences and new additions, much like they did it with the Pokemon I Choose You movie.
> 
> This fanfic retelling is dedicated to the South Park fans and the Warcraft fans.

(within the game)  
Cartman: (as the dwarf, with mallet) Oh, dude! I just took the biggest crap. Hey-where are you guys?  
Heidi: (voice only) We’re over here, babe!  
(Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Heidi and Michael’s WoW avatars waiting for Cartman’s WoW avatar)  
Cartman: Alright I’m back.  
Stan: Dude! We've been waiting forever!  
Heidi: Where have you been, babe?  
Cartman: (to Heidi) Well, I'm sorry babe, I had to take a dump!  
Kyle: Yeah well, if you didn’t eat so much you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fatass!  
Cartman: Hey, I don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl! (to Heidi) Sorry babe, I wasn’t talking to you.  
Michael: Come on guys, we have to finish the quest in Stonehaven.  
Kenny: (muffled) Michael’s right.  
Kyle: Yeah what’s the worst that could happen...right?  
Sheila: (voice only) Kyle? Kyle?  
(Kyle’s WoW avatar stops)  
Sheila: (voice only) KYLE!!!  
(Kyle’s room, Kyle removes his headset and scowls at his mom Sheila)  
Kyle: WHAT?!?  
Sheila: You've been on your computer playing that stupid game all weekend! You should’ve just go out and socialize with your friends!  
Kyle: I am SOCIALIZING, r-tard!  
Sheila: Whatwhatwhat?!?!  
Kyle: It’s an MMORPG, mom! What do you except?! I’m on TeamSpark with my fri-  
Sheila: I think you have ENOUGH playing that stupid MMORPG game for the week! You wanna end up like your dad? Do you know the word “socializing” is? When you go out and spend time with your friends instead of just STAYING ON YOUR COMPUTER ALL DAY LONG!!  
Kyle: No I wasn’t trying to be like him, mom! I just want to play World of Warcraft with my friends! I just wanna stay up late for a little bit, please!  
Sheila: Fine, you can play this stupid whatso-called Warcraft game with your friends, but DON’T STAY UP LATE. EVER!  
(Sheila slams the door)  
(Kyle then returns to his game with Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan and Kenny)  
(cut back to Warcraft)  
Kyle: I’m sorry about my mom you guys. She can be really overprotective.  
Stan: How overprotective?  
Kyle: A lot overprotective, dude.  
Cartman: Oh, sounds like your fat mom just ruined our time!  
Kyle: (to Cartman) Hey, stop calling my mom fat!  
Cartman: (to Kyle) Ey, You need to shut the fuck up, Jewboy!  
Heidi: Come on guys, let’s have fun without fighting!  
Kyle/Cartman: Fine.  
Stan: Yeah, let’s keep on going.  
Naomi: (voice only) Michael?  
Michael: Now what?  
Naomi: Michael? MICHAEL!!  
(Michael’s room, Michael also removes his headset and scowls at his mom Naomi)  
Michael: WHAT?!  
Naomi: Do you think you've been on your computer all weekend! Think it’s time for you to socialize with your frien-  
Michael: It’s an MMORPG, mom!  
(Cut to Heidi’s room, Heidi scowls at her mom Nancy)  
Heidi: I'm logged on to an MMORPG with people from all over the world, and getting XP with my party using TeamSpeak.  
Mrs. Turner: Oh really? You’ve been on your laptop all weekend playing that stupid RPG game!  
(Cut to Stan’s room)  
Sharon: I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you, Mister!  
Stan: Come on Mom! I’ve been having a good time with my f-  
Sharon: I suggest you SHOULD get out and sociali-  
Stan: I know, OK?!  
(Cut back to Michael’s room)  
Michael: I know Dad works there, and he knows everything about this MMORPG game!  
Naomi: So?  
(Cut back to Stan’s room)  
Stan: So what! I’ve been bored all weekend?  
Sharon: All weekend? What do you mean “All weekend”?!?  
(Cut back to Michael’s room)  
Michael: All right look, I just want to have fun with my f-  
Naomi: I know, I know you want to have fun with your friends.  
(Cut back to Heidi’s room)  
Mrs. Turner: Why don’t you just take a break for once in your life?  
Heidi: Okay, I get it Mom!  
(Cut back to Stan’s room)  
Sharon: Thank you. At least you should get some physical activity then.  
Stan: Ugh, fine. I will!  
(Cut back to Michael’s room)  
Michael: I understand.  
Naomi: Thank you for listening to me, Michael.  
Michael: Love you mom.  
Naomi: Love you too, Michael.  
(Naomi leaves Michael’s room and sneakily puts his headset back on)  
Michael: Okay guys, All clear!

(cut back to Warcraft. The land of Azeroth)  
Michael: All right, sorry guys. So where to now?  
Kyle: See where I am? It's this way. [Michael joins the group. Kyle’s character turns around, realizes its mistake, and jumps back around]  
Cartman: Yeah, come on, let's go! [the six now walk abreast] I am the mightiest dwarf in all of Azeroth!  
Heidi: Gosh, look at all these people playing right now.  
Michael: I know, right?  
Cartman: Yeah, I'll bet half these of these people are addicted to Korean pop music.  
Stan: (stops and motions) Oh crap, it’s that same guy again!  
Michael: Who is he?  
Stan: This is the guy that kept killing us every day.  
Michael: Wait, you mean the same guy?  
Heidi: Yeah.  
Cartman: Get lost, asshole!  
Heidi: Guys, we have a triple problem here....  
Michael: What do you mean?  
Heidi: He’s not alone, except he got sidekicks this time.  
Michael: Wait a minute...Am I seeing Triple?  
Stan: Dude, is that your Dad?  
Kyle: (shocked) Oh my god.  
(Kyle sees his dad’s WoW avatar is with Jenkins, Dildo Shwaggins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker)  
Michael: Please tell me that Skankhunt guy is here....  
Kyle: It’s a long story, Mike.  
Cartman: Let’s teach those bastards a fucking lesson!  
Heidi: What do you think you’re-  
(Dildo’s WoW avatar punches Heidi’s WoW avatar to the ground and then she gets up)  
Heidi: Hey, you think it’s funny?  
Dildo Shwaggins: Oh, did I meant to do that?  
Cartman: MOVE!  
Dildo Shwaggins: Now, do you think that’s very polite, shutting me down like that?  
Cartman: I said get out of the way!  
Michael: Or we will make you move!  
Dildo Shwaggins: As if! You guys can talk all you want, but in fact it won't change a thing. But trust me.  
Stan: Stop with your taunting, dude!  
Cartman: Yeah!  
Michael: We just wanna complete this quest in Stonehaven!  
Kyle: Why are you doing this?  
Dildo Shwaggins: So, you must be Kyle Broflovski. Or shall I say, the son of Skankhunt42.  
Kyle: How do you know my name?  
Dildo Shwaggins: I told your Dad all about you, Kyle....I told them everything all about you so much.  
(Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Heidi, Kenny and Michael all gasps)  
Stan: Dude, he knows your name.  
Heidi: So you know who we are, big deal.  
Dildo Shwaggins: Fair enough, Heidi Turner.  
Cartman: You seem to know our strengths too.  
Dildo Shwaggins: You exactly made a good point, Eric Cartman. And let’s face it: You really are a fat dwarf after all.  
Cartman: HEY! NOBODY CALLS ME FAT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!  
Stan Marsh: You’re bluffing, dude!  
Dildo Shwaggins: I know, Stan Marsh. I know.  
Kenny: (muffled) Why don’t you just get lost!?!  
Dildo Shwaggins: You see, Kenny McCormick. That would work. If I were just any fat fuck, well I am fat. And you must be a poor gamer.  
Michael: Ha! Tough talk for someone who stood on the sidelines while your minions handle the guarding!  
Dildo Shwaggins: Great Kingdom Hearts reference, Michael Richards-  
Michael: Fuck you!  
Dildo Shwaggins: I know!  
Cartman: Look why don’t you JUST FUCKING STOP KILLING US AND GO ON A DIET, DUDE!  
(Skankhunt42, Jenkins, Dildo Shwaggins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker all gasp)  
Dildo Shwaggins: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!  
Cartman: Look you fat bearded fuck, there can be one only fat user and it’s ME! If you’re gonna kill us, you have to go through me!  
Michael: And me!  
Heidi: Same here!  
Stan: Me too!  
Kenny: (muffled) Me of course!  
Dildo Shwaggins: Fine, you win. But the next time we meet again, it will be the end of the World of Warcraft. You’d best prepare yourselves.....Have a nice game.  
(Dildo Shwaggins, PurpleHeadedQueefLicker, Jenkins and Skankhunt42 all leave...Dildo flips the bird to the six friends)  
Stan: Dude. What does it mean?  
Kyle: I don’t know. I think they’re going to kill us.


	2. The Plan

(Cut to Blizzard Gaming Entertainment, executive boardroom, day)

President: Fellow board members, we have a problem: Players in the World of Warcraft are ignoring the World's rules...and is going around killing innocent players..  
Member 1: Why kill innocent players? The game is all about finishing quests.  
Sheldon Richardson: That's impossible! I have to text my son to get his party out of the game!  
Member 1: Are you really seriously about your son in danger, really?   
Sheldon Richardson: Yeah, I know my son's party is about to be killed in the next few hours if they keep on playing!  
Member 1: So what's the resolution then?  
Member 2: We've got to delete them from the servers.  
President: We can't.  
Sheldon Richardson: What do you mean "We can't"?!?  
President: Sheldon please, will you bear with us for a moment. Whoever those players are, they have played World of Warcraft so much, that they have reached a level we thought unreachable. However, one of the trolls actually able to kill our admins. And they grew so much stronger every day. Although, we just identified one of the trolls who is responsible for killing millions, who goes in the name of...Dildo Schwaggins.   
Member 4: Oh, no.  
Member 3: Jesus.  
Member 1: What about his minions? I don’t think he’s not alone.  
President: Now that you mentioned it, he’s not alone. Instead, he is surrounded by his minions. Although we just again identified three more trolls who are also responsible for the massacre of every million of the users.  
Member 2: Question, What are the other names that you’re about to say right now?  
President: One of the minions who goes in the name of...PurpleHeadedQueefLicker. He is most noted by his pet iguana, and his favourite obsession is....collecting retro games.  
Member 2: Seriously, why this troll has to do with retro video-  
Sheldon Richardson: (to Member 2) Will you shut up and let the President explain please!?! (to the President) I’m sorry you were saying?  
President: Jenkins. He is noted by his gray t-shirt with black trim and black sleeves. He has a tattoo on the left side on his chest. And finally....Gerald Broflovski, also known as Skankhunt42. He is well noted for his harmless pranking and photoshopping penises in women's pictures as a retribution. Those trolls could show up in the game anytime by now.  
Member 2: Why they would do this?  
President: Whoever those players are, they've played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half. Gentlemen, we are dealing with some trolls here who...have absolutely no lives.  
Member 3: How do you kill...that which has no life? [the question hangs there for a long time...]

(cut to Meeting in Cartman’s basement)  
Cartman: My friends: as you all know, a bunch of buttholes keeps logging onto Warcraft and killing all our characters.  
Heidi: Every single time we've tried to play, they showed up and kills us!  
Cartman: (to Heidi) Exactly right, babe!   
Craig: One of the trolls killed my character right in the middle of a quest!   
Michael: Mine too.  
Tweek: Same here.  
Cartman: We've learned that the six of us can't fight them alone. But, if we all log in together!, we might have a chance.  
Token: Hey yeah!   
Clyde: Are you guys dumb? We can't beat them, even with all of us. It's a waste of time.  
Tweek: That would be a suicidal mission!  
Craig: But, how are we gonna do it?  
Henrietta Biggle: Personally I do NOT play Warcraft! I’m out of here!  
(Henrietta leaves Cartman’s basement in the middle of the meeting)  
Cartman: Does anyone else played Warcraft before?  
(Kevin raises his hand up)  
Cartman: No Kevin, this is NOT a freaking Star Trek convention! Well, you gotta say something?  
Kevin: I’m not really into Warcraft.  
(Cartman breaks into raucous laughter)  
Cartman: The fuck out of my basement.  
(Kevin suddens leave Cartman’s basement in the middle of the meeting)  
Michael: Well I never wanna say this, but.....What a nerd.  
(Scott Malkinson raises his hand up)  
Scott Malkinson: But I don’t play Warcraft   
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “But I don’t play Warcraft”  
Scott Malkinson: I hope you’re not mocking me, are you?  
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “I hope you’re not mocking me, are you?”  
Scott Malkinson: Why are you mocking me?   
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “Why are you mock-“  
Scott Malkinson: (interrupts Cartman) Alright look, I have diabetes and a lisp. I can’t help myself.   
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “Alright look, I have diabetes and a lisp. I can’t help myself. Because my name is Scott Malkinson.”  
Scott Malkinson: I’m warning you. And I mean it.  
Cartman (imitating Scott Malkinson): “I’m warning you. And I mean-“  
Kyle: (interrupts Cartman) Just cut to the FUCKING chase, fatass!!!!   
Heidi: Uh, Eric. The mission, remember?  
(Cartman focuses back on the Warcraft meeting)  
Cartman: All right, you all login from your computers at precisely 7:30. [walks up to a map of their quest] We will meet here, on the plains of the Elven forest near Westfall. My friends, to victory!  
All: To Victory!   
(Butters raises his hand up to get Cartman’s attention)  
Cartman: What is it now, Butters?  
Butters: I’m not really into this RPG stuff.  
Cartman/Michael/Heidi/Stan/Kyle/Kenny: OH GOD!  
Token/Clyde/Craig/Tweek: Seriously?  
Cartman: Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time!  
Butters: The thing is: Wuh, I only play Candy Crush.  
Cartman: Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all mur-  
Heidi: (interrupts Cartman) Babe, stop. I don’t think threatening is going to work.  
Cartman: I’m sorry babe, I’ll handle this.  
Heidi: Oh.  
Cartman: Butters, you might well just...go ahead and install the World of Warcraft.  
Butters: O-oh, o-oh, a-alright. All right then. 

(Broflovski residence, night. Kyle is still playing Warcraft on his laptop. Gerald enters Kyle’s room)

Gerald: Kyle? Can I talk to you?  
Kyle: What do you want, dad?!  
Gerald: Whoa take it easy, buddy! It’s me!   
Kyle: Oh, hey dad!  
Gerald: Look, can I talk to you for a minute?   
Kyle: Okay, fine. I hope you’re not gonna go on a killing spree, are you?  
Gerald: Killing spree? What?! No! I wouldn’t ruin your gaming time with your friends....right?  
Kyle: But you always do—  
Gerald: You see, it wasn’t me Kyle! It was....Skankhunt42.  
Kyle: Wait, so you were trying to go on a killing spree?  
Gerald: Kyle please, don’t be ri-  
Kyle: A-ha! So it was you all along! Going on a rampage, killing every user in the World of Warcraft with your Troll friends? I bet they’re fat too!  
Gerald: Yes, you got me Kyle! Skankhunt42 is me, happy!?!   
Kyle: So I knew it! Every word that you told me was a lie!  
Gerald: What’s gotten into you, Kyle? Have you been reading the Fake New-  
Kyle: I told my friends all about this! I knew you did it, it was y-  
Gerald: Shhhh! You want me to get a divorce with Mom?!  
Kyle: THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GETTING A DIVORCE, DAD!  
Gerald: You know, I should quit playing Warcraft for good.  
Kyle: So what? You would lie to the Government?! And to the Blizzard company too?  
Gerald: Look, I can ex-  
Kyle: (pushes Gerald out of his room) Well, YOU CAN EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!  
(Kyle slams the door on Gerald)  
Gerald: (sighs)  
(He suddenly gets a phone call from Dildo. And then accepts the call)  
Gerald: Yes Dildo, what is it now?  
Dildo: Skankhunt, I’ve got a plan.  
Gerald: A plan?  
Dildo: We’re going to take down every user in the World of Warcraft....Are you in or out?  
(The camera begins to focus on Gerald’s glare. Gerald’s face lights up and then gets a mischievous look in his eyes)  
Gerald: (mischievously) I’m in.


	3. The First Battle

(cut to World of Warcraft, near Westfall)

Cartman: Alright everyone, listen up: When the attack begins, all warriors click on defensive stance. Everyone else, wait for Craig to cast their intellect buffs.  
Michael: You heard him, you guys!   
Heidi: I’m ready.  
Clyde/Token/Jason: Okay.  
Cartman: The battle is sure to be long, so make sure you all have your special abilities macroed to your keyboards. This could get any worse. A lot worse  
Jimmy: All right, Eric. You can c-c-count on us.  
Timmy: Timmy!  
Cartman: This shall be a day for all to remember! Let us bravely charge the fields of Azeroth! [another dwarf walks in looking just like Cartman's dwarf] From with-  
Butters: Hey fellas!   
[Cartman's dwarf looks over]   
Butters: Boy, this is neato, huh?  
[Cartman, Michael, Heidi, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Jimmy, Timmy, Token, Scott and Jason all stare at Butters’ WoW avatar)  
Butters: What?  
Michael: Butters? What are you supposed to be?  
Butters: Why a dwarf of co-  
Cartman: Whoa Butters, You can't be the dwarf character! Only I am the dwarf!   
Michael: He’s right.  
Butters: Well, there's only like four races to choose from-  
Cartman: Look Butters, I’m the dwarf you stupid asshole! So log out, create a new character, and log back in! And don’t ever come back as the same fucking character again!  
Butters: Ah gosh darn it.  
[walks off grumbling]   
Butters: I like Candy Crush a lot more 'n this stuff.  
Scott Malkinson: Well, there goes Butters.   
Cartman: Fuck him dude, we don’t need him!  
Scott Malkinson: But he’s my friend!   
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “But he’s my friend!”  
Scott Malkinson: Look you’re not making it easy!   
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson): “Look you’re not making it easy!”  
Scott Malkinson: I mean it!  
Cartman: (imitating Scott Malkinson) “I mean it!”  
Scott Malkinson: No I’m not kidding! Are we gonna fight or what?  
Cartman: “No I’m not kidding! Are we gonna fight or what? Look at me, I’m Scott Malkinson! I have Diabetes!”  
Scott Malkinson: That’s it! I’m leaving!  
(Scott Malkinson walks off grumbling)  
Scott Malkinson: I rather play Candy Crush instead.  
Michael: Well, there goes those two.  
Stan: Come on, let's do this!  
Heidi: I think it’s time.  
Jason: Yeah, my mom says I have to be in bed at 9:30.  
Michael: Really? Your mom always do that?  
Jason: Well yeah, it’s a school night Michael. What do you except? Staying up late playing Warcraft?  
Kyle: Guys look, there’s no time to discuss!  
Cartman: (turns around and leads) Then let’s move out! (The others charge after him)

(Cut to Dildo, PurpleHeadedQueefLicker, Jenkins and Skankhunt42 are waiting on a field.)

Michael: Look, there they are!  
Cartman: Everyone hold! (Everyone stops in their tracks. Dildo and his minions turns around and faces them)  
Cartman: Wait for it, Wait for i-NOW! Prepare to charge! Scroll over them with your mouse cursors!  
Michael: Let’s do this!  
Cartman: And....Right-click!  
(Dildo, Skankhunt42, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker’s WoW avatars summon an Army of the Dead)  
Cartman: What the?!  
Kyle: Dude, they summoned the undead to kill us!  
Michael: Why it has to be the summoning dead?!

(cut to Blizzard headquarters, Executives are monitoring the gameplay)

Member 1: Did they kill them?  
President: I don’t think so. They’re too powerful to be defeated.   
Sheldon: In that case, my son IS ABOUT TO BE KILLED! I HA-  
President: NO! (slaps Sheldon in his face) Don’t you fucking get it?! This could get even a lot worse! If they don’t take those trolls down, then it’s game over for the World of Warcraft.

(cut back to Warcraft. Cartman, Michael, Heidi, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and their friends’ WoW avatars getting their asses defeated by Dildo, Skankhunt42, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker and the Army of the Dead)

Kyle: Dude, they’re too many of them! What are we supposed to do?  
Cartman: Alright, Clyde, hit him with your crossbow! [Clyde's character looks like he's about to swing at a baseball] Hit them now, Clyde! Clyde? Clyde! [Clyde is at his computer, but not participating in the game. He's looking at Playboy centerfolds.] Clyde! Clyde, you asshole!  
Michael: Fuck! We just lost Clyde!  
Heidi: Tell me about it! He always does that all the time!  
Cartman: Somebody, anybody! FUCKING HELP US OUT!!!

PC Principal: Students, am I interrupting your free time? (Michael’s character turns around)  
Michael: PC Principal?  
PC Principal: Yeah bro! I’m playing from my frat house!  
Michael: Dude, get off our TeamSpeak line! You’re gonna get yourself killed!  
PC Principal: Relax bro, I got this.  
(PC Principal’s WoW avatar creates a diversion by taunting Dildo, Skankhunt42, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker)  
PC Principal: HEY BRO!!!  
Dildo Shwaggins: Are you talking to me?  
PC Principal: Yeah, I’m talking to you Bro!  
Dildo Shwaggins: Say that to my face and I’ll kill you.   
PC Principal: Alright look, May I remind you that physical violence is strictly forbidden in this ba-  
(Dildo’s WoW avatar stabs PC Principal with the Maw of the Damned sword)  
PC Principal: You got me bro.  
(PC Principal’s WoW avatar falls down to the ground)

Dildo Shwaggins: (to Skankhunt42, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker) Kill them.  
(Dildo orders Skankhunt42, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker to kill Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan, Kyle and Kenny)  
Kyle: Dad, STOP!   
(Skankhunt42 is about to kill his own son Kyle)  
Kyle: Dad, please. Don’t do this!  
(Skankhunt42 kills Kyle)  
Heidi: Kyle’s down!   
Michael: Oh god no.  
(Skankhunt42 also kills Michael too)  
(outside of Warcraft, cut to Michael’s room)  
Michael: (He throws off his headset) I am DONE!  
Heidi: Oh no, Michael’s out.  
Cartman: What babe? What do you mean “he’s out!”?!?  
Kenny: (muffled) N.G.E!   
Cartman: What?  
Kenny: (muffled) Not good enough!  
Heidi: Kenny, look out!  
(Jenkins kills Kenny)  
Heidi/Cartman/Stan: KENNY!!!!  
(Heidi gasps)  
Heidi: Oh my god, he killed Kenny!  
Stan: You bas-  
(PurpleHeadedQueefLicker kills Stan)  
(cut to Stan’s room)  
Stan: That's it, screw this game!  
(Cut back to Warcraft)  
Heidi: Eric? I’m scared.  
(Dildo kills Heidi)  
Cartman: HEIDI, NO!!! You....You killed my girlfriend!   
(Dildo is about to kill Cartman with his powerful Maw of the Damned sword)  
Cartman: Now, leave me alone, don't do-  
(Dildo kills Cartman)  
(Cut to Cartman’s room)  
Cartman: (throws down his headset) God-fucking-dammit!!

(Cut to a Facetime call between Dildo, PurpleHeadedQueefLicker, Jenkins and Skankhunt42 in Gerald’s office, night)

Dildo: Well, we did it boys! What did I tell you? We finally took down those users down! We are now 100% stronger than we were before. And why we are here for?  
Gerald: To....conquer the World of Warcraft, I guess.  
Dildo: Right you are, Skankhunt! That is our master plan.  
Gerald: Our master plan?  
Dildo: Exactly. Our master plan to take down every user by becoming all powerful but stronger....together.  
Gerald: Look Dildo, I don’t know if I can help you guys. I mean, I don’t want Sheila to find out that I’m helping you guys with your ma-  
Sheila: Is anything ok, Gerald?  
(Gerald removes his headset)  
Gerald: Yes. Everything is fine, Sheila. OK? We’re just, uh....Having a conversation with my colleagues through FaceTime.   
Sheila: Okay then....I hope you’re not doing something dangerous again.  
Gerald: I promise you, no dangerous things again.  
Sheila: Good.  
Gerald: Yeah, love you too, honey!  
(Gerald puts his headset back on and returns to his conversation with Dildo Shwaggins, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker)  
Gerald: Sorry about my wife, you guys!  
Dildo: Sorry for what?  
Gerald: I was having a private conversation with my wife, do you fucking mind?!  
Dildo: Jesus, why do you sound so....serious, Skankhunt?  
Gerald: Look it’s pe-Never mind! And that’s why I’m NOT willing to do it. I JUST WON’T DO IT!!!  
(Dildo, Jenkins and PurpleHeadedQueefLicker all shocked and gasp)  
Dildo: What did you say?  
Gerald: I’m sorry I have to say this, but...that’s my son. And I don’t want to hurt him at-  
Dildo: What’s our master plan HAS TO DO WITH YOUR SON?!?!   
Gerald: Yeah that’s I’m trying to tell you...by manipulating me so I can turn against my son?  
Dildo: What do you mean “Turn a-  
Gerald: It’s nothing, okay!   
Dildo: I see. I know you don’t want to hurt your son, but....Let’s face it: You have done very well, by killing many people in Warcraft by making yourself undefeatable but even stronger. But when we’re done, everyone in the World of Warcraft will be dead. Remember, Skankhunt: You will always be one of us. Now, are you going to kill your son within the game?  
(Gerald gives an evil grin)  
Dildo: I knew you would say that.


	4. Back In The Game / The Sword of a Thousand Truths

(Cut to the neighbourhood park, day. Michael, Heidi, Stan, Kyle and Kenny all are playing basketball. Cartman enters the park.)

Cartman: What the hell are you guys doing?! Don't tell me you all quit playing World of Warcraft too?!  
Stan: Dude, we're done.   
Michael: We’re sick of getting killed all the time.  
Heidi: I’m sorry, Eric.  
Kyle: We don't have a choice, dude. Those guys killed our characters 14 times.  
Cartman: I have a solution.  
Michael: What solution, Eric?  
Heidi: What is it, babe?  
Cartman: A solution, you guys. Those guys can kill us so easily because they’re at a super-high level, right? What if we were super-high level too?  
Michael: You mean, to become stronger right?  
Cartman: Exactly Michael, we have no choice.  
Kyle: We can't get to a higher level because they don’t let us finish quests! And I knew that my dad was with them.   
Cartman: Exactly right, Kyle. And that’s why we just need to log in and stay in the forest, killing boars.  
Michael/Heidi/Stan/Kyle/Kenny: Boars?  
Heidi: Are you sure about this, babe?  
Cartman: Yes Heidi, I’m positively sure about this, but, there’s lots of computer-generated boars in Warcraft that die with just one blow.  
Heidi: One blow?  
Cartman: Yes babe, one blow.  
Kyle: Dude, do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels?  
Cartman: Yes. [whips out a sheet full of calculations] Sixty-five million three hundred and forty thousand two hundred and eighty five. Which should take us seven weeks five days thirteen hours and twenty minutes, giving ourselves three hours a night to sleep. What do you say, guys? You can just hang outside in the sun all day tossin' a ball around, [firmly] or you can sit at your computer and do somethin' that matters.  
Heidi: I'm in.  
Kyle: Why would you help him?  
Heidi: It's not just because he's my boyfriend, but he clearly can't do this alone.  
Cartman: Thanks babe, you're awesome.  
Heidi: I know babe and you’re also my best friend.   
Cartman: And you too Heidi.  
Michael: Count me in, Eric!  
Stan: I’m in too!  
Kenny: (muffled) Same here.  
(Michael, Stan and Kenny joins Cartman and Heidi)  
Stan: Kyle? You gonna do it?  
Kyle: What? Why me?  
Michael: Dude, Eric is our friend and he can’t do it alone.  
Kyle: Why should I?   
Heidi: Because we’re best friends and we have to do it....together.  
Michael: We have no choice.  
Stan: Once we do it, there’s no going back. This could be our last chance to defeat those Trolls and save the World of Warcraft. Are you in?  
Kyle: (sighs) I’m in.  
Cartman: All right. How about we go out and take down those trolls down? [Cartman and his friends all put their hands together]  
Heidi/Michael/Stan/Kyle/Kenny: YEAH!!!

(Cut to Wendy’s bedroom. A call comes in and she picks up. It's Stan, of whom she has a wallpaper on her phone. She answers)

Wendy: Hello?  
Stan: Wendy, I'll have to cancel all plans for the next couple of weeks.  
Wendy: What's the reason?  
Stan: I'll be busy levelling up my WoW avatar so me and the guys can take down those lifeless users. But it wasn't my call.   
Wendy: Why does spending several weeks levelling up to take down some troll gamers matter to you?  
Stan: Listen it’s a Warcraft thing, you wouldn't understand. (hangs up)  
Wendy: (to herself) Think I wouldn't understand...I'll show him.

(Cut to Warcraft. The six friends are back in the forest looking for boars. They slaughter the boars as they come upon the groups of them. Cartman chugs down energy drinks and has donuts and other sweets around his keyboard. He wipes his mouth dry with his jacket sleeve. In Heidi’s room, she is completely focused on her laptop with her door closed. In Michael’s room, Michael also chugs down Red Bull in order to stay awake for the epic battle.)

(In the McCormick living room Kenny plays while his parents argue in the background. In Kyle’s room, Ike nourishes Kyle on the fly. The days fly by, starting...During recess and lunch, as the other kids play outside as usual, the kids are at computers at the school's computer lab playing WoW. As Scott Malkinson, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Kevin, and Token play football in the street outside, Stan plays WoW in his room. Day passes into night and back into day...and back into night...Stan's first pimples appear and his face is fatter. More pimples appear, and his hair begins to look matted. He's gotten fatter than Cartman normally is, to the point where he's too fat to wear his jacket anymore.)

(Cut to the Blizzard Entertainment headquarters. Executives are monitoring the gameplay)

Member 3: Sir, you'd better have a look at this!   
President: What is it?  
Member 3: Six of our subscribers...They've gone up fifty levels in three weeks.  
President: My God...they must have no lives at all.  
Sheldon Richardson: (referencing his avid fan son Michael) He’s been working so hard for weeks without no breaks.  
Member 3: Exactly.  
Sheldon Richardson: A hope?  
President: Yes, Sheldon. A chance.

(Cut to Kyle’s room, 6:30 a.m. He rises from bed, which means he went to bed at 3:30 a.m. He's gotten as fat and pimply as Stan. He hops out of bed, then heads to his desk with his laptop and logs into the game to slaughter more boars.)

Kyle: Dude, my mouse-clicking finger hurts.  
Cartman: Keep clicking, Kyle! You can do it!

(Then cut to Michael’s room (with posters full of Kingdom Hearts, World of Warcraft, Spirited Away, Guardians of the Galaxy and Your Name.) where he’s now also fat, just like his friends, munching on Twinkies and chips while slaughtering boars on his laptop)

(His mom Naomi Richardson knocks the door and enters his room)

Naomi Richardson: Michael sweetie, have you been staying up all ni-  
(Naomi stares at Michael)   
Michael: Leave those hot pockets on my bed for me.  
(Naomi puts some hot pockets on Michael’s bed and leave his room)

(Kenny's playing from the living room. Stan is in his room while on his computer, Stan earns an xp of 142. Cartman has gotten so big he looks like Jabba the Hutt. His fingers are shown up close typing away. Heidi is in her room, now fatter and pimply, pigging out on junk food while on her laptop. Kyle flexes his right wrist and fingers to get circulation back in them, them resumes playing the game. More boar slaughter ensues. Next, Cartman is shown on the toilet crapping away and reading the World of Warcraft game manual. Stan's left hand is shown typing away. Kenny's still at it, but he's not as big as Stan and Michael are now. Stan looks like a huge baby...with pimples. Back at school, the six friends are back in the computer lab playing away. As the training ends, Cartman raises his fist seemingly in victory)

(Cut to Wendy’s house, day. Theresa is at the front door knocking insistently)

Theresa: (knocks on Wendy’s door) Wendy? Are you there? Wendy?  
(Wendy suddenly gets the door and reveals her now fatter and pimply look to Theresa)  
Wendy: Yes, Theresa?  
(Theresa is stunned to see Wendy as she farts)  
Theresa: (covers her nose) Please tell me how you got so fat?  
Wendy: I did. I’m much fatter than Stan now. I offered him to go on a date with me. And what happened? Stan was busy with this so-called MMORPG and I decided to get fat by slaughtering boars day and night. But without physical activity.  
Theresa: Are you serious? I’m your friend, Wendy! Quit playing Warcraft already!   
Wendy: Oh really?  
Theresa: You know what I mean, come on! I want the old Wendy back! The old Wendy who is really smart, respectful and sometimes serious too!   
Wendy: I’m sorry, the old Me is not here right now!  
Theresa: You know what?! You need to go on a diet! I will not tolerate any fatness from you, not until you slim down!   
Wendy: Theresa, before you go: Can you check my rear for me?  
Theresa: Alright sure. (Theresa then walks closer to Wendy)  
Wendy: Closer. (Theresa then walks closer to Wendy) Closer. (Theresa walks closer then Wendy suddenly releases a fart in Theresa’s face)   
Theresa: (covers her nose) Gross! What’s gotten into you, Wendy?!?!   
Wendy: Does it feels great to be fat, Theresa?  
Theresa: “Does it feels great to be fat?” NO IT‘S NOT GOOD TO BE FAT, WENDY! Wendy: So? You should play Warcraft and let go of your anger! It’ll make you fat.  
Theresa: NO! You have to slim down, Wendy!  
Wendy: Slim down? I like being fat the way I am now.  
Theresa: We’re best friends, remember?  
Wendy: Yeaaahhh, I don’t recall that.  
Theresa: That’s it, I’m leaving!  
Wendy: Well come back if you’re fat enough to play Warcraft! (to herself) Now I know how Cartman puts up with being fat everyday.

[The Blizzard boardroom, sunset. The president looks out over the city from the boardroom. He stands at a table in front of the window, on which stand some WoW statuettes.]

President: The admins tell us they are six players from a small town in Colorado.  
Member 1: Are they strong enough to take down the Trolls?  
Member 5: [wearing a black T-shirt with the green words "Dwarf Needs FOOD!" on it] We ran the numbers: even with their amazing rise in levels, they have a 90% mortality probability. They'd be walking in a slaughter!  
Sheldon Richardson: Are you sure my son will handle this suicidal battle?  
Member 8: Yes, I'm sure he'll be alright.  
Member 1: There has to be...someway we can help them.  
Sheldon Richardson: How?  
Member 6: What about...the Sword of a Thousand Truths?  
Member 7: Quiet, Thomas! We aren't even to speak of that sword!  
Thomas: But maybe these new players are the ones the prophecy foretold of.  
President: Long ago, when the World of Warcraft was created, one of the programmers put a sword called the Sword of a Thousand Truths into the game inventory. Apparently it could cause 120 damage per second, with an instant mana burn and an enchantment that boosts its stamina +80.  
Thomas: But the sword was considered to be too powerful for anyone to possess. So it was removed from the game and stored on a one-giga flash dri-  
Member 1: Wait, I think I got something!  
President/Sheldon Richardson: Got what?  
Member 1: Some female player who goes in the name of ILuvStan.  
President: My god, I knew it.  
Member 1: And the best part is....She’s been training so hard without any breaks.  
President: You were saying, Thomas?  
Thomas: Oh right. So it was removed from the game and stored on a one-giga flash drive.  
Member 1: There is one solution that they could take down the trolls.

[The accountants' room, sunset. The executives open the door and walk in slowly, softly. Sheldon Richardson opens the top drawer and pulls out a small safe, gets the key and opens it. The President reaches in side and pulls out the small flash drive.]

President: Behold, the Sword of a Thousand Truths. [the flash drive gets its close-up] We must get this sword to the ones who have proven they have no life. Let's just hope to Christ they don't start the battle before we can reach them.  
Thomas: (to Sheldon) So let me get this straight. You actually did created that Sword that we’re discussing about earlier, right?  
Sheldon: Yes.  
Member 2: Yeah but, how are we going to deliver the sword?  
Member 1: We have no choice, but to deliver the Sword of a Thousand Truths to ILuvStan.  
Sheldon Richardson: Wait don't you mean Wendy Testaburger?  
Member 1: Exactly. At 28201.  
President: Let's get this sword delivered to her then.


	5. The Epic Battle

(cut to Nueva Familia Mexican restaurant, still at night, David Rodriguez wiping down a table and gets a sudden text from Cartman that says “Warcraft battle ASAP”)

David Rodriguez: Ugh, what does the fat fuck want now?  
(David Rodriguez packs his laptop and then heads to Cartman’s house)

(A few minutes later, David Rodriguez arrives with his laptop at Cartman’s basement)

Cartman: David! We’re glad that you made it! Or did you ride your teeny bicicleta to my house?  
(Cartman laughs)  
(David Rodriguez punches Cartman on the shoulder)  
David Rodriguez: Shut up.  
(David Rodriguez sniffs)  
David Rodriguez: (covers his nose) Ugh, what’s that horrible smell?  
Cartman: What smell?  
David Rodriguez: (still covers his nose) The horrible smell of you guys! I mean, did you guys gained weight or something?!?  
Cartman: Oh yeah, we DID gain a lot of pounds actually.  
Heidi/Stan: Me too  
Kyle/Michael/Kenny: Same here  
David Rodriguez: What, I’m NOT playing with this horrible smell all night!?!  
Heidi: (eating Chips) Why not?  
David Rodriguez: Because you guys smell like dirty pigs in here, that’s what!  
Kyle: Come on David, we need your help to win this battle.  
David Rodriguez: What battle?!  
Kyle: Well, a battle between good and evil. You know, to save the World of Warcraft.  
Stan: (to David Rodriguez) He’s got a point, dude!  
David Rodriguez: (to Stan) Get that fucking smell away from me, tubby! Because I’m not playing Warcraft with you guys and that’s that!  
Michael: There’s no choice, dude.  
David Rodriguez: (to Michael) Why should I, Fat-Eyes!  
Michael: It’s because you are the expert on Warcraft. And you have to fight with us, David! If you say yes to this, there’s no going back. Are you in?  
David Rodriguez: Ugh fine, I’ll do it.  
Cartman: Alrighty. (to David Rodriguez) Come sit next to us!  
(David Rodriguez places his laptop and sits next to Cartman and Heidi)  
David Rodriguez: (sniff sniff) Is it just me or one of you smells like Gabriel Iglesias’ ass in here?  
Cartman: Well maybe you should get over it.  
Heidi (eating chocolate and Chips): Eric is right. Being fat is awesome and we get to play Warcraft and pig out on Junk food! And maybe you would gain weight one day, David.  
David Rodriguez: Let's just get it over with!  
Cartman: All right, This is it. The Moment of Truth is here. It is time for our final battle. Everyone, log in!  
Michael/Heidi: I’m in!  
Kenny: (muffled) Me too!  
Stan/Kyle: Same here!  
Randy: (through Voice chat) Fuck yeah!  
David Rodriguez: I’m in. I guess.  
Cartman: Good. Everyone equip healing potions to the hotbar if you haven't already. You can go ahead and cast Arcane Brilliance to raise our intelligence, Kyle.  
Kyle: You got it.  
Cartman: Stan, what enchantment does your Cloak of the Tiger have?  
Stan: +15 agility.  
Cartman: Give the cloak to Kenny, he needs the agility boost for bow attacks.  
Stan: ‘K.  
Cartman: Heidi, give the Endless Healing Potion to Michael, he’s gonna need it a lot.  
Kyle: Hold on guys, this fight could last more than twelve hours.  
Heidi: What if we run out of food, babe?  
Cartman: Don’t worry Heidi, I got that covered. [pressed a button on a small intercom on his desk] Mom?  
Liane: Yes hon?  
Cartman: More hot pockets!  
Liane: [answering at the other end] Right away, hon. [Cartman turns it off]  
Stan: That's übercool.  
Heidi: I know right?  
Michael: Totally.  
David Rodriguez: Look, are we gonna do it or what?!  
Cartman: Everyone ready?  
Heidi/Michael/Stan/Kyle/Kenny: Ready.  
Randy: (through Voice chat): Hell yeah, I’m ready!  
Cartman: Let’s go get those bastards!

(World of Warcraft, final battle. The six friends including David Rodriguez and Randy Marsh are attacking Dildo and his minions, who's just defending themselves right now, mostly attacking Kenny.)

(cut back to Cartman’s basement)

Heidi: Care for a Twinkie?  
David Rodriguez: No.  
Heidi: Chocolate?  
David Rodriguez: No.  
Heidi: Cake?  
David Rodriguez: No.  
Heidi: Cheesy Poofs?  
David Rodriguez: NO!  
Heidi: Just aski-  
David Rodriguez: Quit eating and focus on the battle!  
Heidi (eating chips) I can’t help it. I am fully hungry all the time!  
Cartman: She can’t help it, David.  
David Rodriguez: WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?  
Cartman: It means Heidi is addicted to junk food. Like us.  
Michael: Yeah.  
Stan: Definitely.  
Kyle: True.  
Kenny: (muffled) Indeed.  
David Rodriguez: You guys have some serious problems. (to Cartman and Heidi) And what’s up with you two being fat?!  
Heidi: It’s our personal business, David. We had to train hard so we can win this ba-  
David Rodriguez: (interrupts Heidi) Seriously? Are you enjoying being fat, like your friends too?  
Heidi: Of course.  
David Rodriguez: Face it Little Struthers, you really DID gain a lot of weight and you smell like you haven’t showered in days! You are a fat gluttonous pig who likes to pig out on junk food, just like your best fat friend over he-  
(Heidi farts)  
David Rodriguez: Gross!  
Cartman: (to David Rodriguez) Oh you can’t help that, David. But this one who is really smart and funny!  
Heidi: (blushes) Cut it out, Eric.  
Cartman: (to Heidi) You are, babe. Get over it.  
David Rodriguez: JUST SHUT UP AND BATTLE!!!

(One hour later...Dildo and his troll minions are sitting up, signifying that they’re paying attention now that the kids and Randy Marsh have battled them this long without dying.)

Cartman: Any luck, Heidi?  
Heidi: (to Cartman) Well we tried anything, babe. They’re way too powerful.  
David Rodriguez: Powerful? How in the fuck are we going to stop them?!  
Randy Marsh: Relax, I’ve got this (to Dildo) HEY FATTY!!!  
(The epic battle comes to a sudden stop)  
Dildo: What did you call me?  
Randy Marsh: (to Dildo) Yeah that’s right, I’m talking to you fatty!  
Dildo: Are you making fun of me?  
Randy Marsh: What? NOOO...I’m not making fun of you....right?  
Dildo: Sounds like you’re making fun of me alright.  
Stan: (facepalms himself) Oh good grief.  
David Rodriguez: See I told you your dad is-  
Stan/Michael/Cartman/Heidi/Kyle/Kenny: (to David Rodriguez’s WoW avatar) SHUT UP DAVID!!!  
(David Rodriguez’s WoW avatar remains silent)  
Randy Marsh: Do you realize what you’re doing?! Going on a rampage killing everyone so you and your troll friends can become more stronger than us! Don’t feel sorry for everyone?!?  
Stan: Dad, what are you-  
Randy Marsh: (to Stan) It’s alright Stan, I got it covered! (then to Dildo) Alright look, you need to stop being such a fatty!  
Dildo: (gets closer to him) Call me a fatty again! Do it! (gets in his face) Call me a fatty again!  
Randy Marsh: Uh, you’re ... acting... like a... fatty user.  
Dildo: That's what I thought!  
(Dildo stabs Randy in the chest with his powerful Maw of the Damned sword)  
Randy Marsh: You got me.  
(Randy’s WoW avatar then falls to the ground)  
Randy: (dying last words) Tell my family....that I love them.  
Stan: Dad, it's just a game. You're not dying in-  
Randy Marsh: (dying last words) Just shut up and let me make-believe Stan! Keep fighting, son.  
(Randy’s WoW avatar dies after his last words)  
Stan: (turns around to face Dildo) You killed my father.....YOU KILLED MY FATHER!!!  
(Stan, Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Kyle, Kenny and David all continue their fight against Dildo and his Troll minions)

(Meanwhile the President of Blizzard Entertainment and some members arrive at Wendy’s house. Member 1 bangs on the door. Wendy is on her sofa, eating junk food while watching TV. The president of Blizzard Entertainment continues banging on the door, Wendy then hops off the sofa and gets the door. The door opens)

Wendy: Yes?  
Member 1: Are you Wendy Testaburger?  
Wendy: Yes.  
Member 1: We are looking for a great knight by the name of LovesToSpooge.  
Wendy: I know him. That’s my boyfriend’s character name in Warcraft.  
President: Is he with you?  
Wendy: Who are you guys?  
President: We don’t have enough time! We just heard from our admins that your boyfriend’s party is already in battle!  
Member 1: Unless they have this sword.  
Wendy: What sword?  
(Member 1 pulls out the flash drive)  
President: Do you have your Warcraft account?  
Wendy: Of course I-  
Mr. Testaburger: What’s going on?! Who are you g-  
Member 1: No time to explain! This is urgent!  
Wendy: Dad, I don’t have enough time with you!  
President: She’s right. We might well just, come in.  
Mr. Testaburger: Wait what?!?  
Member 1: We’re sorry. Her friend’s party is in battle right now!  
President: Do you have your computer so you can give this sword to him?  
Wendy: Yes.  
President: In that case, let’s give this sword to him.  
Member 1: Are you ready?  
Wendy: Yeah. Let’s do this.

(Back in the World of Warcraft, the battle continues)

Cartman: Kyle! Fire Spell!  
Kyle: I’m on it! [starts generating the spell, but it abruptly goes out] AH! Huh?! [his character grabs her right wrist with her left hand]  
Stan: Kyle!  
(outside of Warcraft, cut to Cartman’s basement. Kyle leaves his desk grabbing onto his right hand, then flexes his right wrist around. Stan leaves his desk and approaches him)  
Stan: Dude, what’s wrong?  
Michael: You OK?  
Kyle: Carpal tunnel! Carpal tunnel! It's aaaah! [pain shoots through his wrist as he continues flexing his wrist and stretching his fingers]  
Michael: WHAT?!  
Kyle: I can’t play too much! I have to rest, you guys go ahead without me!  
Stan: He’s right, dude! You have to do it for Kyle, Michael!  
Kyle: (to Michael) You have to! Just leave me behind, trust me. Now go and finish the battle!  
(Kyle then leaves Cartman’s basement to rest on Cartman’s couch)  
David Rodriguez: Well this is just great! How in the fuck are we supposed to continue the battle, with you guys and your sick fat jokes all night long?  
Heidi: Calm down and fight with us.  
Michael: We have no choice.  
David Rodriguez: Alright fine, I don’t wanna hear any fat jokes throughout the whole night! If you do that, then I WILL LEAVE!

(A few minutes later, Isla and Theresa both arrive at Cartman’s basement in the middle of an epic battle)

Isla: Hey guys!  
Theresa: I hope we’re not interrupting any-  
(Isla and Theresa are stunned to see Heidi as she pigs out on chips)  
Isla: Heidi?  
Heidi: (eating a bag of chips) Oh hey girls, what’s up?  
Theresa: Did you gain a lot of weight?  
Heidi: (still eating chips) Yeah, so?  
Isla: You’re so...so....fa-  
(Michael farts)  
Isla: (covers her nose) Ugh, Michael!  
Michael: About that Isla, we actually did gain a lot of weight and it feels so great!  
Isla: Feels so great?! You guys need to go on a diet so ba-(to David) David? What’re you doing here?  
David Rodriguez: Well...they forced to play that stupid RPG game with THIS HORRIBLE SMELL!  
Isla: How worse?  
David Rodriguez: I’ll tell you how: It’s all because of them! Aren’t you disgusted with him the way he looks?!?  
Theresa: No I don’t!  
David Rodriguez: I bet he smells like the others!  
(Kenny gets insulted by David Rodriguez)  
Theresa: HEY! That’s not how you respect my boyfriend!  
Isla: And mine too!  
David Rodriguez: Your boyfriends?  
Isla: You got a problem David? You know, you shouldn’t be judging them by their looks!  
Theresa: WELL YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!  
David Rodriguez: Ashamed? For what?!  
Theresa: For hurting my Kenny’s feelings of course!  
Isla: And my Kyle too!  
David Rodriguez: Yeah for what? Having carpal tunnel? For letting your four-eyed fat friend to take his place?  
Isla: YES!!!  
Theresa: You need to stop judging them, David! They might be fat, but they’re always be them! I love Kenny all my heart whenever he’s fat or skinny and I don’t mind at all!  
David Rodriguez: Mind at all?!? (yells at Theresa) MIND AT ALL!?  
Theresa: Look just stop hurting Kenny’s feelings, okay? If you don’t, I’ll tell your parents on you!  
David Rodriguez: (gasps) YOU WOULDN’T DARE!  
Theresa: You owe them a big apology!  
Isla: You better!  
David Rodriguez: Or else what?  
Isla: Or else they will tell fat jokes to you!  
David Rodriguez: Look, I HAD ENOUGH OF THESE FAT JOKES FROM THE-  
Isla: (yells at David Rodriguez) YOU’RE NOT ACTING VERY FRIENDLY!!!  
(Isla then runs upstairs)  
Theresa: Isla!  
David Rodriguez: What? What did I do?  
(Theresa then slaps David Rodriguez in the face)


	6. The Final Conformation

(cut to Kyle resting on Cartman’s couch alone, Isla walks up to him.)

Isla: Hi, Kyle.  
Kyle: Hey.  
Isla: Don’t mind if I sit with you?  
Kyle: Sure.  
(Isla gets on Cartman’s couch and sits next to Kyle)  
Isla: So, how you’re feeling?  
Kyle: Still recovering from Carpal tunnel.  
Isla: I see. I hope your hand feels better soon.  
Kyle: Thanks.  
Isla: So you’re really obsessed with this Warcraft game?  
Kyle: Yeah....I am.  
Isla: And you’re fat just like your friends too?  
Kyle: Yeah...It’s true.  
Isla: Kyle, there’s something that you should know: The thing is....I always have a crush on you.  
Kyle: You do?  
Isla: Of course.  
Kyle: Hey, do you think I’m that fat and ugly?  
Isla: No, Not at all.  
Kyle: But Isla, I thought you don’t-  
(Isla shushes Kyle with her finger)  
Isla: Don’t listen what David says about you. You are fat and perfect. And I love you the way you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re fat or skinny. You’ll always be...(points her finger to Kyle’s chest) You.  
(Kyle smiles at Isla)  
Kyle: You’re right. I love you, Isla.  
Isla: I love you too, Kyle.  
(Kyle and Isla smiled at each other)

(then cut back to Cartman’s basement)

Cartman: All right, major stone shield potions should be...Oh God, I'm going to have diarrhea again. Ohhh...Duuuh...  
Heidi: You OK, babe?  
Cartman: I’m gonna be alright, babe.  
Stan: Dude you can't go to the bathroom, you're stacking sunder armor!  
Cartman: Bedpan! Bedpan!  
Heidi: Eric, I’m here for you.  
Michael: I suggest somebody should help Eric out! It has to be.... (referencing David) You.  
David Rodriguez: What? I’m NOT going to clean his fat butt! You want me to get my clothes dirty?!?   
Michael: Just shut up and help him out, David.  
David: Ugh, fine.

(Cartman sense this and lowers his pants as David Rodriguez positions the bedpan in place. Cartman lets go and a log comes out first, followed by a spattering stream of crap. Some of it ends up on the floor, some of it on David Rodriguez’s clothes)

David Rodriguez: UGH GROSS! THAT DOES IT!   
Michael: What?  
David Rodriguez: I’m leaving! You guys are on your own! HMPH!   
(As David Rodriguez is about to leave the Epic battle from Cartman’s basement)  
Michael: David, please.  
Stan: Fuck him dude, we don’t need him. We can fight on our own.

(Cut back to Kyle and Isla snuggling together on Cartman’s couch. David, now covered in crap walks up to them)

Isla: What happened to you?  
David Rodriguez: You don’t wanna know!  
Isla/Kyle: Why?  
David Rodriguez: (to Kyle) Your stupid friend just crapped on me!   
Kyle: Why?  
David Rodriguez: Don’t why me, dude! Look at me, I’m now covered in crap!  
Isla: Well, you agreed with Kyle and his friends to help them save the World of-  
David Rodriguez: I KNOW, OK?!  
Kyle: Look you gotta relax, dude!  
David Rodriguez: Why? Because I was forced to play this stupid game with you guys so I can smell that horrible stench all night!  
Isla: That’s not the whole point, David.  
David Rodriguez: You know what, FUCK ALL OF YOU GUYS!!!!

(David Rodriguez furiously leaves Cartman’s house by slamming the front door. Then cut back to Warcraft)

(Dildo is about to kill Kenny when suddenly....Theresa’s WoW avatar (in the form of a Human Knight, shows up and defends Kenny from getting killed by Dildo)

Dildo: What the?!  
Kenny: (muffled) Theresa? 

(Theresa already joined Kenny, Cartman, Heidi, Michael and Stan by participating in the epic battle as a Female human knight)

Kenny: (muffled) You came for me.  
Theresa: I did. For you. Because you’re my boyfriend.  
(Kenny smiles at Theresa)  
Theresa: Hey, at least we’re fighting together. Right?  
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah.  
Theresa: Kenny, I love you.  
Kenny: (muffled) I love you t-LOOK OUT!!

(Dildo is about to kill Kenny. Theresa then raises her sword and blocks the strike. Dildo grits his teeth, putting more pressure on the sword)

Theresa (standing): Forget it! There’s no way you’re gonna kill my BOYFRIEND!!!

(Theresa and Dildo gets into a Sword fight...A few seconds later, Theresa is killed by Dildo, courtesy of his powerful Maw of the Damned sword)

Dildo: Looks like your girlfriend is dead!   
(Dildo then bursts into evil laughter)  
Heidi: Oh my God, he killed Theresa!  
Kenny: (muffled) YOU BASTARD!!!

(Kenny charges at Dildo for killing Theresa, while Cartman, Heidi, Stan and Michael take on PurpleHeadedQueefLicker and Jenkins....when suddenly)

Michael: Stan?  
Cartman: Dude, what the hell are you doing?!  
Stan: (his character leaves the battle) Hang on guys, I've gotta heal. [His character turns to see the battle]  
Wendy: Staaan! [Stan's character looks around trying to determine where the voice is coming from, then turns around]  
Stan: WENDY?!   
(Cartman, Heidi, Michael and Kenny all gasp)  
Stan: Wendy, what are you doing here?!  
Wendy: I'm here to bring you this, Stan. [holds the Sword of a Thousand Truths aloft]  
Stan: A sword?  
Wendy: It’s no ordinary sword, Stan. But this legendary sword can completely drain their manas. Take it.  
(Stan takes the Sword of a Thousand Truths from Wendy)  
Michael: I know that sword. My dad created this Sword.  
Heidi: Oh, wow.  
Wendy: [the sword stays fixed to her right hand] Question, how do you hand something from one player to another?  
Stan: Bring up your inventory screen: Hit Control-I.  
Wendy: Got it. [Dildo and his sidekicks notices the lull in action and faces Stan. Cartman is alarmed and spins around to look at Stan.]  
Cartman: Dude, what are you waiting for?!  
Stan: Thanks, Wendy! [Dildo stabs Wendy and Wendy goes down]  
Wendy: Aah!  
Stan: Wendy!  
Heidi: NO!  
Michael: What the fuck?!?  
Wendy: (dying last words) Stan...I don’t know if I can fight with you, but promise me that you will fight this battle for me.   
Stan: What?  
Wendy: (dying last words) It’s up to you now, to defeat them and save the World of Warcraft. I will always love you Stan.  
Stan: I know I do.

(Wendy’s WoW game avatar dies after her last words. Stan then prepare to charge at Dildo and his minions)

Dildo: Skankhunt, what are you waiting for? Finish them.  
Gerald: No!  
(Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan and Kenny gasp)  
Dildo: WHAT?!?  
Gerald: I just can’t do it. I...I...I can’t kill my son.  
Michael: Wait what?  
Heidi: Huh?  
Stan: What’s going on?  
(cut to Isla and Kyle snuggling on Cartman’s couch until Kyle gets a text message from his Dad. The text message says “Get some rest, buddy!”)  
Kyle: Thanks dad.  
(Kyle smiles)  
(cut back to Warcraft)  
Gerald: I’m sorry Dildo.  
(Gerald’s WoW avatar suddenly switch sides to fight alongside Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan and Kenny)  
Dildo: TRAITOR! How could you do this to us, Skankhunt? WHY?!  
Gerald: Face it. You just can’t go on a killing spree to hurt someone who has a Warcraft account. Don’t you feel sorry for the-  
Dildo: SHUT UP! Do you think I’m fucking stupid to get away with it?  
Gerald: Look, I don’t want to do this but....I will NOT fight you Dildo.  
Dildo: WHAT?  
Cartman: He says that he’s not gonna fight you, Du-  
Dildo: STAY OUT OF THIS!!  
Gerald: Hey don’t talk to a user like that!  
Dildo: Oh yeah what are you gonna do about it?   
(short pause)  
Gerald: Come on, Dildo. Let’s finish this the way we started it....TOGETHER!  
Dildo: So be it...Have it YOUR WAY!!!

(Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan, Kenny and Gerald/Skankhunt42 all continue the battle against Dildo, PurpleHeadedQueefLicker and Jenkins. When suddenly, a WoW avatar appears and stabs PurpleHeadedQueefLicker right in the heart)

Sheldon: If anybody’s gonna kill my son, IT SHOULD BE ME! (stabs Jenkins’s WoW avatar to death and turns around to Michael)  
Michael: Dad?  
Sheldon: I came to finish the battle with you.  
Cartman: Sweet.  
Stan: Whoa dude, that’s your dad?  
Michael: Yeah, for real.  
Heidi: You’re so lucky to have a dad like him!  
Michael: Thanks, Heidi! And don’t know would I do without you all.  
Cartman: Totally.  
Gerald: Hey no time to talk right now, we gotta finish this battle once for all!  
Michael: Kyle’s dad is right! We have to put the end of those Gamers for good! Let’s do it for Kyle and Wendy!   
Kenny: (muffled) For Theresa!  
Stan: And for my Dad!  
Cartman: Alright, let’s finish this battle together! What you say guys?  
Heidi: I’m with you, babe!  
Michael: I agree!  
Stan: Yeah!  
Gerald: Fuck yeah!  
Sheldon: Bring it on.

(Cartman, Heidi, Michael, Stan, Kenny Gerald and Michael’s dad Sheldon begin their final battle against Dildo by using their respectively attacks and spells. Stan’s WoW avatar strikes him with one blow of the sword. Dildo’s defences start to get weaker)

Michael: I think it’s working!  
Sheldon: Now this is our chance!  
Cartman: Heidi! Shadowmeld!  
Heidi: I’m on it, babe!  
(Heidi’s WoW avatar uses her Shadowmeld attack on Dildo)  
Michael: Kenny! Use your arrow!  
(Kenny quickly takes his bow and arrow and fires an arrow into Dildo’s WoW avatar’s chest)  
Dildo: Ow, what the fuck!   
Gerald: Yeah that’s for manipulating me!  
(All the WoW avatars continue to disable Dildo some more. He falls to the ground on all fours)  
Stan: Cartman, now!  
(The dwarf approaches him, ready to smash the Dildo’s head in with the mallet)  
Cartman: Looks like you're about to get pwned. [swings back and then pulls the mallet forward] Heeyeah! [the mallet smashed Dildo’s WoW avatar’s head into little bloody pieces.]  
(outside Warcraft, Wendy’s room)  
President: Our world is saved.  
Member 1: They did it!  
(Cut back to Warcraft)  
(The WoW avatars' characters gather around the fallen avatar of Dildo. Other characters appear and gather around the group]  
Man 1: They did it! They killed him! [leaves his hiding place. Others follow]  
Man 2: They did it!  
Woman: They killed him! We can come out!  
Man 1: (to Stan) Congratulations, young man! You just saved us all!  
Stan: Dude, did you hear that? We’re heroes!  
Michael: Alright!  
Sheldon: Huzzah!  
Gerald: Yeah!  
Heidi: Yes!  
(cut back to Cartman’s basement)  
Stan/Cartman: Yeah!  
Heidi: All right, yay!  
Kenny: (muffled) Woohoo!!  
(Theresa kisses Kenny on his cheek)  
Cartman: We did it you guys. We're totally heroes.  
Michael: Man that was such über pwnage  
Stan: I’m glad it's all over now  
Heidi: What do we do now, babe?  
(Heidi eats a bag of chips and smiles at Cartman)  
Cartman: Now we can finally play the game, babe.   
(Cartman smiles back at Heidi and shares a bag of chips with her. A few minutes later, Wendy arrives at Cartman’s basement with her laptop, as Stan leaves his desk and approaches her)  
Stan: Hey Wendy, what’s up?  
Wendy: (hugs Stan) I’m so proud of you! (kisses him on his cheek)   
Stan: Thanks, Wendy. Thank you for giving me the Sword.  
Wendy: Oh you’re welcome. So, what I miss?   
Heidi: The epic battle between Good and Evil.   
Cartman: Yeah, we already saved the World of Warcraft.   
Michael: The thing is: You’re already too late.   
Theresa: It’s over.  
Wendy: (gets pissed off) Aw god dammit! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!?!  
Heidi: You might well just....join us.  
Wendy: (sighs) Fine. I’m in.

(END)


End file.
